Wednesday, October 23, 2013

It has been confirmed. I'm an emotional eater.

Okay so I've totally figured out I'm an emotional eater.  Monday was a perfect storm of events culminating in the costumer asking me to fit into a shirt that she was convinced was going to be WAAAAAY too small.  I could tell from one look that it was going to fit, no problem.  However she kept hovering around me as I was changing repeating that I had to do whatever I could to fit into this shirt or else I would look different for everyone else.  Needless to say my first look was correct and the shirt was actually not snug at all.  She was relieved and I was pissed, thinking "just how fat did this woman think I am?"

First of all, I have done costumes for a show before and I know that people are sensitive about their size.  I always try my best to find clothes that fit the character and will make the person feel good.  That can't always happen, and I'm sorry to anyone that I had to put into a sack dress.  Also I've been there A LOT.  Secondly, the costumer is doing an AMAZING job clothing 30+ people in many different outfits.  Also to conclude, she and the other lady have to make lots of different shapes from super skinny to curvy look exactly the same and sexy.  Basically, upon reflection I realize that it wasn't about me, instead it was her thinking out loud and it was just the final irritation that threw me over the edge.

We got out of rehearsal for The Producers at 9:30 and both Mike and I had had a frustrating day, so instead of going home, we went to IHOP.  Instead of just being comforted with the hot chocolate, I got chocolate chip pancakes AND mac and cheese.  Instead of just eating half of everything like I planned, I ate it all and wanted more.  I had been doing so well and then I let my emotions get the best of me and I felt like I had blown it.  I did feel better, but it probably had more to do with the venting than with the food.

In the morning, it was time for my weekly weigh in and I seriously considered skipping it.  I knew that I was still in a negative space, and I was afraid if I had truly blown it, I would run to the freezer and eat an ice cream bar because, fuck it!  I knew that I couldn't run from it, I had to rip the band-aid off and I had checked the freezer and there was no ice cream so my diet would be safe from my emotions.  I closed my eyes, took off my shoes (saves about a pound), and seriously considered stripping down (another pound gone!), but it would have skewed the results.  Damn scientific methodology!  Anyhoo, I step on the scale and crack my eye open and my mouth dropped open.  I was at my goal weight for this week!  Despite the culinary emotional outburst, I had done it!  I made a goal!  Needless to say that put a spring in my step.  I'm not naive enough to believe that I can pig out each time I'm upset, but it does comfort me that it won't COMPLETELY mess up the plan if I have one teensy- okay huge- culinary outburst.  Now if I could somehow avoid the student provided baked-goods at work. . .

The moral of the story is don't beat yourself up about caving in, just don't run to the Haagen-Daas each time you're upset.  (Might take up kick-boxing to deal with that ;))

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Week five - Thank you body for finally getting the memo!

Oh my god, my body FINALLY got the memo and I'm almost on track!  Woohoo!  Not gonna lie, if I hadn't started getting results, the cookies were going to start coming out as a big F-U to the universe.  Thankfully I had a friend who is a HUGE health nut and let me know that it takes the female body up to SIX weeks to catch on that you are trying to lose weight.  SIX freaking weeks!  No wonder people give up and dig into the Hagen-daas.  I was almost at that point, but I wasn't about to go back to square one.

Here are some things that contributed to my success (Again, I have no idea if it's true, but I'm going to continue believing in it):

1) Really staying under my calorie allotment.  Yeah there were slight overages, but by counting little exercises (like laundry, and standing) I was able to always have a little extra left at the end of the day.  Restricting calories is a huge part of losing weight, and as demonstrated by Kansas State professor, Mark Haub, it doesn't matter what you eat as long as you restrict the number of calories you consume you will lose weight. He refers to his experiment as the twinkie diet.  Although he lost 27 pounds, he was severly malnourished.  So restrict your calories, but make sure you are getting the right nutrients!

2) Thanks to the help of my husband, we have been pretty good about not eating after 9:00 p.m.  there have been some days that we just had to due to scheduling snafus, but on the whole we have been pretty good.  Also I've had mondo cravings for chocolate (due to that time of the month :() and he has been really good about not allowing me to waste my precious calories on a cookie.

3) I have accepted the fact that I will have fluctuation in my weight from day to day.  The human body can fluctuate in weight up to five pounds in a day.  For women that number can increase to 7 pounds during that time. So I'll admit last week I was feeling very distraught and frustrated and over emotional and an INTENSE craving for chocolate, so it was no wonder that I lost so much between week four and week five.

I am really pleased that my body has decided to catch up with what I'm doing and I hope that we continue down this road together.  I will continue to count each day that I am below my starting weight as a personal victory and keep trucking down this road and a slow and steady pace!

Monday, October 7, 2013

Week four - I think being in a play is preventing me from losing weight

Okay, so it is week four and I've only managed to keep a single pound off.  And even that is up to contention.  The scale was a little twitchy this morning and I decided to the sake of my sanity that I would choose the lower number that it was wavering between.  I know, it's kinda cheating, but I need to feel like I'm making some progress.  I mean come on, I'm even exercising through dance in my play rehearsals so shouldn't that count for something?  Here are some things that I think are preventing me from reaching my goals:

1) Even though I am dancing my butt off at dance rehearsals, I am not exercising every day.  And to be honest most of the dancing that we are doing is walking from formation to formation.  [Speaking of the play, you should come see Mike and me in, "The Producers" at Woodside center for the Arts on Oct. 25-27 and Nov. 1-3].  Granted the tap numbers cause me to work up a sweat, but I'm really counting a 3 hr. dance rehersal as only one hour of aerobic dance because of the low impact nature of the other numbers.

2) Because I'm in a play, my eating schedule is crazy.  I usually have a FiberOne granola bar in the morning, then a salad for lunch.  If I can, and if I remember, I'll squeeze in dinner before rehersal, but more often than not I wait until rehearsal is done to eat dinner.  When I do that, I'm consuming on average 700 calories right before going to bed which I know is a huge no-no, but I can't go to bed hungry.  It just doesn't work.  So I really think that even on the days that I am under calorie, the fact that I am consuming a huge amount of them late in the evening causes them to just sit there.

3) I haven't been that good at recording my calories the last two weeks because I've been crazy busy.

So here is how I plan to fix/overcome those challenges:
1) Do ten minutes of exercise every day.  I can fit ten minutes in.
2) I shall eat no food after 9:00 p.m.  That means I need to eat something before rehearsal or bring something to eat during it.
3) Record my calories everyday, especially the weekends.

I have to be honest, I thought I was setting my bar really low at one pound a week.  I did not expect it to be this hard.  But everything that is worth something requires hard work. 

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Week three - stupid body

At least I'm back where I started.  Le sigh.

Moral of the story: every day has to be a good day including the weekends until I make a goal.  So here is my first goal, written for all to know and see:


Reward: one splurge meal of something decadent :).  I'm thinking burger AND fries ;)

I'm keeping the goal small, so I won't want to rage quit this thing out of frustration.  I have a bacon cheeseburger from Jefferey's in San Mateo with my name on it!