Tuesday, November 5, 2013

It's hard to feel sexy when you are the biggest girl in the group...

[image removed so we won't get into trouble]

So last Sunday, my fellow cast-mates of the Producers and I were able to live a dream.  In the show, we have a prison set, that is bright red, and REAL prison bars.  So naturally, I took one look at it and immediately thought Cell Block Tango from Chicago.  I have always wanted to play Velma, and this was my one chance to do it.  I got out the fishnets, rocked the hotpants (which I had been rocking for two weeks in the Producers), and wore the only sexy black top I could find.  After bribing the techies with coffee we had the set, lights, and music going.  It was AMAZING!!!! I have never felt sexier and hotter than that moment lip syncing to Cell Block Tango.  My husband filmed it and was full of praise for how confident and sexy I looked and I felt really great for the first time in eight weeks.

Then I saw the video.  While I totally oozed confidence I couldn't help focusing on the fact that I was HUGE compared to the other girls.  I didn't think I was that much bigger than them, but seeing the stark comparison in the tight black outfits I definitely see why I wasn't considered to be a showgirl (and the fact that I can't tap).  The top I choose to wear was loose fitting, which I thought would help, but in retrospect, I should have gone with a corset.  Lock and load the girls and cinch in the unwanted bulge.  As it was it was on whole a very unflattering outfit, but my biased husband still loved it.

Seeing me in that video just reinforced why I'm really trying this time to lose weight.  I have an image of myself in my head and it so does not match what I actually look like.  I truly want to believe casting directors of COMMUNITY shows are willing to look past body, but let's be real, if you have two girls who are perfect for the role and one fits the costume, then you are going to go with the path of least resistance.  Please understand me all of my theater friends, I am not delusional in thinking that I don't get cast because I'm a big girl, I'm just saying I don't want it to be something holding me back.

With the success of our impromtu dance-oke to Cell Block Tango, the producer of the Producer is really pushing for Chicago.  That means I have about a year to stay on target and look like the woman I have in my head.  I can't wait to post the comparison photos! Now off to find a jazz class so I can really work to a goal! :)


  1. Darling.

    I know you think that I'm biased, and I understand why. But seriously, there is no bias present in my assessment of this video - which I think you should post here once we get the ok to share it. You. Are. Unbelievably. Sexy. Like I keep saying, you want to lose weight for health reasons, and I support that 100%. But you should never take a look at this image or the video and think you were anything less than any of the other girls.

    I'm sorry, it's the unbiased truth.

    Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna watch this video again.

    I'll be in my bunk.

  2. I hear ya. Earlier this year I had to decide I wasn't going to fret about it until later. I gave myself until the new gym on campus opened to even think about it again. It opened Friday, and all of the sudden, I keep thinking, "Is this the day to start the fight?" Because losing weight IS a fight, and it's a fight you have to keep fighting for months without wavering. I've got 20-25pounds to lose to get back into my favorite clothes and I'm almost ready, but I know it means four months of being hungry all the time and never giving in to my body saying, "You'll feel better if you ate more." I always get to respond, "No, I'll feel better when I fit in my favorite dress."

    Right now, I'm treating this week as last chance to eat the tasty and drink the tasty alcohol. Next week I'm going to start pulling back and starting a workout routine. Then hopefully my body will be ready for the full scale assault by the end of the month.

    I use dailyplate.com to track calories in/out. I love that I get credit (in calories) for my exercise. It's the only thing that's worked for me.

    1. I think that is why it is so hard to keep fighting, but I'm with you on feeling good about fitting into your favorite dress. You can do it!

    2. You can drop by Dickens Fair and dance at Fezziwigs to help towards that goal as well . :)